Dear family, friends, and many we have never even met,

We want to express our thanks to you all for the overwhelming love and care we have experienced these last few days. Thank you for praying. Thank you for encouraging us with Scripture. Thank you for your practical provisions. Thank you for mourning with us so well. And we especially thank God Who is our Rock and ultimate Comfort. He has used you all as a means of grace to us in our sorrow.

For those of you who do not know, on Monday 10/12 our benevolent Lord saw fit to take our precious youngest child Caleb (5) from this world. Our family was vacationing up at our family ranch as we often do. The Lord’s kindness to us was so abundant as we had a wonderful week together as a family. Caleb got to hunt with Asher, Elijah, and me. Caleb got to ride the quad by himself for the first time. He did AMAZING and LOVED it so much.

Caleb was the first out of the house to congratulate Asher on his deer, and the whole family enjoyed time processing the deer together. He played many foosball games with everyone in the family. He enjoyed hunting for lizards, spiders, and moths with Kyla. Julie and Caleb got many sweet snuggle times together. There were many hugs, kisses, and “I love you’s” this last week. There were too many joys to mention them all and we continue to treasure each one with thankful hearts.

In the afternoon, as we were preparing to come home from our family vacation, we were loading up my truck. The kids were all helping. As usual, Caleb was jumping in to help as well. He was such a sweet servant! I (Josh) was going to move my truck closer to the home to continue loading up. While I had thought the kids dispersed behind me for another activity, our precious Caleb had actually moved in front of me. As I pulled the truck forward, I inadvertently ran over Caleb.

The best we can tell, he had possibly dropped something in front of the truck and was attempting to get it. Realizing what might have happened, I quickly jumped from my truck and sought to care for Caleb. It is clear now that Caleb passed very quickly. We thank God for that grace. However, I, with Julie’s help, performed CPR until medical professionals arrived. As they took over, every attempt to revive Caleb was made with no success.

We are grateful that the Lord protected Julie and the other children from having to see the tragic accident take place. That was a mercy from the Lord.

My cry while performing CPR is our cry today, “WE KNOW GOD IS GOOD!” We dare not ask God to bend His will to ours but rather ask that He bend our will to His, even if that means being broken and crushed. For the tender mending care of our loving Shepherd is precious to us. We will not reject the anguish for in the depths of our anguish are the mountains of His comfort. And we do not fight against our sorrows.

For the intensity of each sorrow is a testimony of how precious our Caleb was to us and how intense our love was for him. Both of these are graces from God to us. We thank God for the undeserved blessing it was to be with Caleb for 5 years, 9 months, and 20 days. Each moment with him was an indescribable gift. He brought such joy to our lives and sweet energy to our home.

We do not need answers to why beyond what our sovereign God has given us in His Word. For in His Word is every answer we need and His Word is more precious to us than all the riches of the world. Even more than the riches of parenthood. What else would we need, and where else would we go than into the loving arms of our Savior! Our great God has provided for our biggest need in the forgiveness of our sins through the death of His own Son. With that precious truth in mind, we dare not question His love.

How could we? Rather, we cling to Him. You all have been a means of God’s loving care for us. And for that, we thank you and worship Him. We know God is sovereign, and there is no better place for us than where He has us today. We TRUST! We YIELD! We mourn! We BLESS His Name! And though our tears fall almost constantly, we fall on our faces and worship! Blessed is the name of our Lord!

Dear Family and Friends,

First of all, Julie and I want to express a resounding “THANK YOU!” for the care you all have shown to us. We have received countless cards, emails, texts, messages, gifts, and other acts of kindness. We have received numerous gifts anonymously of which we don’t even know to whom to express thanks. So if it was you….THANK YOU! It all is truly so meaningful and helpful to us. God’s provision for us through all of you has been humbling and tremendously encouraging.

The love and support we have received and continue to receive have been overwhelming. We are bearing a burden, but we are not doing so alone. Your care for us has been astonishing. We are especially grateful for our church body and the way we have been spiritually tended to and supported in this time. We have been pastored so well by our church leadership and cared for in an exemplary manner by the entire church body. God’s grace is abundant, and His provision is beyond what we could ever hope or imagine.

We praise and thank God for all of you!

We would like to fill you in on how we have been doing these last several weeks. In summary, we are well in the Lord. The Lord had only been faithful to us through October 11th. The Lord was abundantly faithful to us on October 12th. And the Lord has been exceedingly faithful to us every day since Caleb’s passing. We have not found it difficult to trust God in this trial. The gospel has been so near to our hearts.

And in light of the sacrificial love of God giving His Son as the perfect atoning sacrifice for our sins, we cannot question His goodness, wisdom, and care for us as His children.

The hardest part of this trial is that we simply miss Caleb. He brought a youthful and playful energy to our family. He was such a joy to our lives. Yet, the joy of Caleb was never the source of our strength. The joy of the Lord has been and continues to be our strength. And so we press on with sorrow in our hearts, tears often in our eyes, and an unwavering joy and hope found in our precious Savior.

The sorrow of these temporal days is overshadowed by the hope of eternity with our Lord and the reality of the eternal life we currently possess in Him.

God’s Word continues to be more precious to us than all else in this world. It has been a glorious light on this dark path the Lord has set before us. It has revived our souls often in moments of weakness. It has been a shield for us from sinful thinking. When temptations have arisen to want a worldly explanation as to why or how this accident took place, God’s Word has abundantly satisfied every curious impulse of our hearts. And it has been a means of drawing near to and resting in our good God.

Psalm 145:18 says, “The LORD is near to all who call upon Him. To all who call upon Him in truth.” As much as we feel Caleb’s absence from our lives, we are assured of the Lord’s nearness to us. This has been a sweet blessing and comfort to us.

Since Caleb’s passing, there are several things to which we have committed ourselves. First of all, we will not question God’s goodness. God is good. We are not in a position to determine or judge if God is good. He simply is good. That doesn’t change because of our circumstances. Our circumstances rather are an expression of what is true about Him. God, in His wise goodness, has us in precisely these circumstances. Therefore, we have not and will not require Him to meet our expectations or desires.

Rather, we plead with Him to conform our thinking to His own. We plead with Him to grant us the grace and faith to humbly entrust ourselves to Him when times are difficult. We pray for help, that He would sustain us as we yield, trust, and believe in His goodness. He has answered these prayers.

We also resolved to not let “hard” determine what we do or don’t do. In all honesty, pretty much everything is hard right now. Rather, we have committed ourselves to do what we believe is right before God. This thinking has been such a blessing as we have continued to engage in our church body, attending most services, small group gatherings, and other events as we have been able. We have also sought to not dictate how we are cared for by others.

But rather we continue to trust God that His care for us through His people will be just as we need. We know His care for us through His people is also an expression of His sovereign goodness. He has not disappointed. Again, the care we have received from our pastors and church body has been an incredible means of grace in our lives. Also, the care of believers beyond our own church body has been such a sweet grace from the Lord to sustain us spiritually before Him. Again, THANK YOU!!!

We also have committed to mourn worshipfully. What does this mean? Well, we are sad a lot but not discontent. I can honestly say that the Lord has upheld us. However, we are sad frequently. We miss Caleb. We are sobered by the reality of sin and death. We are figuring out how to function as a family of 5 and not 6. Yet, we are committed to worshipping God amid our sadness.

There is a great temptation to let our sadness over Caleb’s absence from our lives lead us to question God or to have discontentment in His plan. We refuse to entertain such thoughts. Rather we have resolved to let each moment of sadness be a catapult of worship for the gift Caleb was. This has been so helpful for us as it has aided us in proclaiming “blessed is the Name of the Lord” through our tears and has kept our hearts focused on the undeserved blessing of being Caleb’s parents.

Many have asked how we are doing as a family. By God’s grace, Julie and I have never been closer. This is a gift from the Lord, and the only explanation is His grace. Julie is and continues to be, the godliest, most loving, faithful, and precious gift from the Lord to me outside of salvation. Each one of our children’s responses has been soft, sweet, and an encouragement to Julie and me.

For the first 4-5 weeks, we would spend time each night together, and each of us would open and read one of the many many cards we received. We were continually encouraged by the care for us. This led to many sweet discussions. We also would share favorite memories of Caleb from different events, activities, or simply favorite attributes about Caleb and give thanks to God for Caleb’s life.

This was such a wonderful season where, through tears and laughter, we as a family have been able to remind each other of the gift Caleb was to our family. Over time we shifted to remembering things we loved about Caleb and also sharing things we were thankful for regarding each other. This usually was something we would do on birthdays but have incorporated into more of a regular practice.

Boasting only in the Lord I can say with full conviction that we are not merely “getting through” this season. Rather we are worshipfully and dependently embracing with thankfulness God’s good plan for our family. We are joyful. There is laughter in our home. And while the youthful energy isn’t the same, and we miss Caleb more than words can describe, God’s goodness is unchanging. We know this! And in our sadness, sorrow, and frequent tears, there is also joy and hope.

Endurance is having its way in our lives. What more could we hope for? God is faithful! We are vessels created for God’s good pleasure to bring Him glory. We will not stipulate what that must look like. Rather we will embrace His perfect plan, entrusting ourselves to Him and seeking to live out His purpose for our lives to glorify Him. God’s mercy is sustaining us each day. And each night we pray anticipating the new mercies He will provide every morning for what we need that day.

He is a benevolent Father.

I know some have wondered if they should ask about how we are doing because they don’t want to bring up a sensitive topic. This is such a sweet consideration of us. However, we want you all to know, WE LOVE talking about Caleb. Even if our response is often accompanied by tears. Those tears are not an expression of hardship but are an outward expression of our love and gratefulness for Caleb. At this point, we’re pretty used to crying in front of people.

So I think it really only makes those around us uncomfortable. But if you want to know about Caleb, how we are doing, or have things you’d like to share, we welcome it. It is a blessing to us.

What are our current needs? Honestly, I can’t think of anything except continued prayers and encouragement. This is not because they have been lacking in any way, but rather, the abundant prayers and encouragement have been such a means of grace from God that He has used to sustain us. We simply covet them more. We know December will be filled with difficulties as we continue to experience many firsts without Caleb. His birthday was 12/23 and so we know the coming days will be emotional.

Yet, as our dear friends the Hantlas have modeled so well, we don’t need to suffer tomorrow’s trials today. Rather we cling to our Savior today and know He will provide all we need for tomorrow.

Once again, thank you for your love and support. You all have been beyond faithful in your care for us, and so once again we thank you and worship God. Blessed is the Name of the Lord!

Dear Family and Friends,

Well, it is hard to believe that a year has passed. When we woke up on October 12th, 2020 we had no idea what the good Lord had in store for our family. As you know, we were wrapping up a wonderful family vacation and were eager to step back into “normal life.” Little did we know, there would no longer be normal life for the Kellsos as a family of 6. A year ago tomorrow I posted, “The deepest sorrow under God’s grace is sweeter than the greatest joys under His wrath. Great is His faithfulness!” As our wounds were so fresh at that point, we had no idea how deep our sorrows would go. Yet, a year later that statement has stood true. Indeed! GREAT is our God’s faithfulness.

God has and continues to sustain us in wonderful ways and I cannot help but continue to marvel at His goodness. Our prayers the night Caleb passed away were that God would use our circumstances to make us more like Christ and more useful instruments for His purposes. We believe God has and continues to answer both of those prayers. Amid a circumstance that honestly has the potential to destroy families, our relationships with each other have never been sweeter.

Julie continues to be the most precious gift to me outside of salvation. Her unwavering support, love, and encouragement are nothing short of miraculous. The grace and maturity of our kids are astonishing. The support and care from our church (Grace Bible Church) have been unwavering, and the additional love and support of friends and family have been so meaningful. God has dealt bountifully with us. We continue to be showered with love and care.

From texts, cards, gifts, flowers, donations, prayers, we are just so overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of those around us. Thank you all! Each expression of love is so appreciated and is a significant means of God’s kindness to us.

The last year has been truly wonderful. Yet, as we reflect on God’s goodness and care for us, this last year has come with its challenges. We seem to be settling into what one of our kids referred to last night as, “our new normal.” There is a sweetness to this reality and a bitterness. I do believe the Lord has sustained our whole family in contentment, trust, joy, and peace. Yet, there is an ever-present temptation to grumble against the Lord, to think we know better, to wish things were not as they are.

We are thankful for verses such as I Corinthians 10:13 as we can have a bold confidence that in every temptation God has provided a way of escape. I believe we have been faithful in taking that way of escape.

We are grateful for what we are convinced of regarding God’s wisdom and omnipotence. God chooses the best possible means to bring about the best possible outcome and has the supreme power to accomplish His purposes. What a wonderful reality! There is no better circumstance to be in than the one we find ourselves in. Yet for me, there is a daily battle as I bear the weight of being God’s providential means of Caleb’s passing. To be clear, I do not feel guilty.

I know I did not neglect my duties as Caleb’s father or in this situation sin against Caleb or God. Although, there are times where I feel this way and have to fight what I feel with what I know. It was an earthly accident under the sovereignty of a good God’s providence. However, there is still a weight I feel daily. This is definitely something I would appreciate continued prayers for. If I think much about this weight beyond any given day it is quite frankly crushing.

But I know God will give me all that I need to be faithful each day. And so that is where I direct my heart. To trust, take one step forward, determine what does faithfulness look like today, and press on, that is the direction I resolve to go.

While our daily sorrows are still deep, our joys have never been more intense and more worshipful. The reality that tomorrow is not promised has changed our perspective in many ways and the joys of this life are received with so much more thankfulness and worship. This is an unexpected blessing for which we are so grateful. God has been so kind to give us so many situations where we could see His divine providence and wisdom played out so practically in various circumstances.

II Corinthians 1:3-4 have been verses we have experienced so vividly this last year. We have been comforted so so much and the Lord has given us many opportunities to testify of His trustworthy nature. We are overwhelmed by the many tangible circumstances where we have been able to come alongside others. We are also ecstatic at another development over the last year. Our church is planning to plant a church in Gilbert and I will be part of a team of elders and members going to this new work.

I will be filling the role of preaching pastor/elder. Julie and I are both so excited about this opportunity. While there is a mixture of emotions leaving the only church we’ve known in our adult life, we are so excited to see how God will use this endeavor in this new season of our life. This is definitely another area where we would appreciate prayer.

As we reflect on this last year the words of Psalm 145:17-19 ring true: The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds. The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He will also hear their cry and will save them.

We do not know what this next year holds for us. But we do know the one Who holds us. We know the One who bore our sins and took our punishment so that we might be reconciled to God. We know the one Who demonstrated unfathomable love in His unsearchable wisdom at the expense of His own Son’s death. We know the gift of the forgiveness of sins and the blessing of life under grace lived for the glory of our Creator. And we know without a doubt His unfailing goodness.

And so we continue to TRUST! to YIELD! to BLESS His Name! And though we still navigate many tears, we fall on our faces and worship! Blessed is the name of our Lord!

With Much Love and Gratefulness, Josh, Julie, and family